My Life is Mine

Turning 30 felt like a right of passage. I left behind my insipid, unsure twenties and entered a new world of self-discovery, strength, and confidence. I was IN LOVE with the woman I was becoming! I was proud of her growth, optimism, and excitement. I knew I was going through a moment in my life where I was about to climb a huge mountain, but instead of being tired and undetermined, I was full of energy and eager to get to the top.

Most importantly, I started dating myself. This was the most important relationship in my life. I knew I had to stay true to my beliefs and follow through with what I really felt my existence here on earth was meant to be. By internally exploring myself, I realized I was such an unbreakable, witty, old soul. I wouldn’t say that I never knew myself up to this point, more so I never let myself be who I knew I was, who I needed to be, and ultimately who I deserved to be. I have a second chance to fully live this life the way the universe has planned for me; happily and abundantly!

Early on, I knew I wasn’t put on this earth to be a mother. When I would vocalize this, I was assured by most older female figures that I would “change my mind”. This left me confused because I was content with my mind not changing. I didn’t feel that having children would define me or make me a better woman, but I quickly realized society felt differently.

Regardless of the unsolicited opinions and judgments from my immediate family to the external world, I kept true to knowing what I felt and didn’t waiver on that. I am proud of my bravery in not worrying about meeting certain expectations or comparing my life to others. I love the skin I’m in. I own my choices, sexuality, and authenticity. I am not lonely, defective, or a failure. We have seen it everywhere our entire lives in our society; a female is worthy once she A) gets married, and B) has children. As we slowly progress, the idea of a woman who chooses not to marry and/or bear children is more prominent. We have more women openly talking about their decision to focus on running for office rather than running a household. We see many successful, happy, and fulfilled women who happen to be single or have decided not to have children. Even though the “spinster”, “cat lady”, and “old maid” labels have decreased, let’s be real, the stigma is still well and alive.

We have so many beautiful and inspiring ladies such as Oprah Winfrey, Betty White, Gloria Steinem, Shonda Rhimes, and Mavis Leno whom have all gone against the grain when it comes to societal norms, and are remarkably successful and happy with their choices. Some are in long term partnerships; others have decided they were destined to be a mother but not a wife. I thoroughly enjoy seeing these unconventional ways of living being accepted as a part of our culture. I was so moved by Tracee Eliss Ross’ speech at the 2017 Glamour Women of the Year Gala. She spoke about all her accomplishments, yet, some people still decided to focus on the fact that she is a single and does not have kids at the age of 45. Her words were impactful and a necessary reminder to continue to be courageous, to live the life you want to live, and to remember after all, it is yours.

Most importantly, be true to yourself. If you want to get married and have children those feelings are equally as valid. I will support the women in my circle with whatever choices they make. This life is too short, my dear, to dictate what will make someone else happy.

Thank you 2017 for allowing me to fall in love with the woman I have become, to truly be comfortable in my skin and with my decisions. I can’t wait to see what the rest of 2018 has in store for me and I’ve never been more excited to live!